Sunt in asentiment cu Gabor Mate si Gordon Neufeld, de aceea citesc cartea, si, dupa, revin cu un frumos articol. De ce ar trebui sa conteze mai mult parintii decat prietenii? Pai e simplu. Independenta este gresit inteleasa de multi parinti, inclusiv de specialisti. Si pentru “victimizare” am mai multe rezerve. Nu cred ca-ti doresti sa incurajezi falsa independenta si lipsa de empatie. Deci…
Whether it is for our children to dress themselves, feed themselves, settle themselves, entertain themselves, think for themselves, solve their own problems, the story is the same: we champion independence—or what we believe is independence. We fear that to invite dependence is to invite regression instead of development, that if we give dependence an inch, it will take a mile. What we are really encouraging with this attitude is not true independence, only independence from us. Dependence is transferred to the peer group.
Perhaps we feel free to invite the dependence of adults because we’re not responsible for their growth and maturity. We don’t bear the burden of getting them to be independent. Here is the core of the problem: we are assuming too much responsibility for the maturation of our children. We have forgotten that we are not alone—we have nature as our ally.
Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D.-Hold On to Your Kids_ Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers-Ballantine Books (2006)