Te superi usor pe copilul tau? Te enervezi cand: nu-si face temele, vine cu nota 2, nu mananca sau nu se culca la timp? Off, acestea sunt doar cateva exemple, la alegere. Incerci tu sa te controlezi cat poti, deoarece esti un parinte inteligent, dar cand vezi ca nu mai rezisti, paaaac!!! aplici pedeapsa si cu asta, basta! Ups… un scenariu in care poate un parinte constient nu isi doreste sa o dea in bara, din nou si din nou. Ok, atunci hai sa echilibram balanta si te (ma) intreb ce ingredient crezi ca lipseste din acest peisaj?
Daaa! Empatia! Empatia deschide calea catre suferinta si cu cat o folosesti mai des, cu atat copilul tau are sansa sa creasca mai frumos. Daca iti doresti sa faci o schimbare pozitiva, de a evita o situatie de criza, ai acum 10 metode de comunicare pentru tine si copilul tau. Pentru a inlocui cu succes clasica corectie:
1. First move yourself from anger into empathy. Once your child knows you’re on his side, he feels safe to engage with you. Without that sense of safety, your child’s heart is hardened to you — because he expects judgment and punishment — and you have no influence at all. So just tell him you need some time to think, and get calm before you talk about what happened. (For more on managing your own anger.)
2. Start with connection. If your child is worried about you getting upset at her, she’ll move into “fight, flight or freeze” and learning will shut down. She’s also more likely to lie. The only way to actually “teach a lesson” is to create a safe conversation. To do that, remember that your child has a reason for what she did. You may not consider it a good reason, but to her it’s a reason. If you don’t find out her reason, you can’t prevent a recurrence.
3. Tell your child you want to hear his thoughts about what happened. Then let him talk. Reflect to clarify (and demonstrate) your understanding:
“I see…so the guys really wanted you to play basketball, and it was at the same time as the study session for the test? That’s a hard choice.”
“Wow! So you and your sister were really furious at each other… you were so hurt when she….I would have been mad too, if someone said that to me……and you really wanted to get back at her, huh?”
4. Keep your focus on connecting with your child and seeing the situation from his point of view. This helps you, and him, understand what motivated him. This gives him an opportunity to work through the feeling or the unmet need that drove his behavior. Kids always know what the right choice was, but something got in their way. What was it? How can he (with your help) address that so he can make a better choice next time?